


Tin Can

by ejr



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Angst, Growing Up, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses, M/M, Pining, Reincarnation if you squint, Things Get Better, Time Passing, Underage Drinking, bad highschool stuff, many years y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 02:48:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ejr/pseuds/ejr
Summary: "The first time they kiss, Grantaire is 18 and Enjolras is 17. The party is loud and Grantaire is drunk and Enjolras is angry but excited, excited but angry. He is angry for all the right intentions but all the wrong reasons, and Grantaire seems to have pain written into his very being.""The next time they meet, it’s years later."





	Tin Can

**Author's Note:**

> When you guys read this please be careful of just general content warning especially underage drinking. Both of them go through some tough shit, it was highschool, and I wrote this from ~~deep inside~~ so just tread lightly.  
> Happy reading :)

The first time they kiss, Grantaire is 18 and Enjolras is 17. The party is loud and Grantaire is drunk and Enjolras is angry but excited, excited but angry. He is angry for all the right intentions but all the wrong reasons, and Grantaire seems to have pain written into his very being.

Grantaire is only 18 at this party but he’s already drunk, has been drunk, and will remain drunk. He has a problem but refuses to acknowledge it. Enjolras hates drunks, but kisses him anyway. He kisses Grantaire because Combeferre accused him of being a fun sucker for not playing the shitty party games made by and for horny teenagers, and Enjolras isn’t the one to back down from a challenge. 

They kiss and for Grantaire it’s pain, its pain and hurting, because Enjolras is so lovely, in his fiery attitude and the way he pushes too far in when they lean in. It’s pain because Grantaire is fucking in love with him and Jehan says it’s eating him away inside, and to get this one little painful snippet isn’t enough- but Grantaire doesn’t believe he deserves any more.

For Enjolras it’s his first kiss and it’s not that great, actually.

They meet again, because Enjolras is 18 and graduating. Grantaire is 19 and graduated, but many of their mutual friends are still at the cusp of adulthood. Enjolras is stone cold like a statue, accomplished yet unforgiving and firm. 

Grantaire doesn’t dare approach him, his own failures burning hot on his tongue and his shame curling over his eyes.

 

The next time they meet, it’s years later. Enjolras is calmer now, his fires far from extinguished, but no longer consuming him with the flames of his passion. It’s warmer now, steady burning and constant. Grantaire is better, he’s clean of many things people don’t even know about, but they tell him they’re proud and Grantaire actually sort of believes them. Things have been looking up for the both of them. 

Grantaire is 22 and Enjolras is 21, and Grantaire doesn’t remember much about the party they shared, through choice or defense, but he remembers Enjolras, he remembers the pain he felt in loving him, and maybe a soft, tender part of him feels a little bruised when Enjolras says hello again to him. But Grantaire is better now. He’s learned all the coping methods, he’s learned to be nicer to himself. He smiles and says hello back. They get along nicely, they argue but it’s good hearted. By the end of the day, Grantaire is tired, bone achingly so, because Enjolras still burns as brightly, but he’s better now at expressing himself, he’s better at shaping his words to convince his listeners, he stands taller at a tall, tall 6 foot solid.

Jehan holds him that night and quietly lets him breathe it out and work through the whirlwind that has swept through his mind. Jehan, always Jehan, Grantaire couldn’t possibly repay Jehan for the kindness that seems to endingly spring forth like the fountain of youth when Grantaire asks for it. But Grantaire tries, he does try. 

They meet again, Enjolras and Grantaire, and again and again. Grantaire is still 22 and Enjolras is still 21, and they get to talking one late night after a long day of work at the cafe Grantaire has tentatively sets root down into. They are sleepy and reminiscent. Enjolras asks if he remembers the party. Of course Grantaire remembers the party. The tender spot in him feels sore, because Grantaire never really got over the soft love, the hard love, the fucking ache of love that Grantaire held in his heart for Enjolras.

Enjolras apologizes for the party.

Grantaire apologizes too, he explains how he wasn’t doing well- but apparently, neither was Enjolras. Enjolras didn’t really want his first kiss to be thrown away like that, but Enjolras tells Grantaire quietly that at least it was Grantaire it was thrown to. Enjolras talks of when he was 16 and the world was against him- Enjolras talks about when he was 17 where he was against the world. Grantaire listens, he listens to every word that falls from those pouted lips because fuck, Enjolras talks so softly now, each phrase drawing Grantaire ever nearer.

Grantaire quietly tells him of when he was 17, and how he understands. Grantaire tells him of 18, of 19, of 20, and how far he’s come to get to 22.

Enjolras grows shy. He asks if Grantaire would like to rewrite the memory. The memory of stolen beer, of their friends screaming around them, the memory of clashed lips. Grantaire says yes.

They kiss, and this time, Grantaire can remember every detail. It’s soft, and careful, and Grantaire suspects maybe even at 21, Enjolras has never kissed anyone besides him. Unlike before, the memory fading dimly, Enjolras smiles at him after they pull away.

Enjolras tells him that was much nicer.

 

The next time they kiss it’s wrong. They’re angry at each other, at themselves, both confused and hurt by their own feelings, by their meddling friends, afraid to take that step forward and lose all that they have. Grantaire is 24 and feels like maybe the world should have eaten him when he was 18. Enjolras is 23 and he’s never wanted something- someone- so badly in his life. They kiss, and it hurts, and Grantaire doesn’t like the hurting this time. He doesn’t lean into it like he did when he was 18. He pulls away. He runs. As Jehan soothingly pets his hair, Grantaire wonders why Enjolras kissed him. Why he grabbed- held?- his hands, why he leaned forward so quickly as if the moment would disappear if he didn’t immediately snatch it from the air. Why did Enjolras seem so scared? Why was Grantaire terrified?

Grantaire is 24 and knows he has to communicate. Grantaire is 24 and he pretends his hands don’t shake as he picks up the phone when Enjolras calls for the third time. Grantaire is 24, and Enjolras is 23, and they try to figure out what they want, together.

They kiss again, later that night. Enjolras waits for Grantaire to kiss him this time, and both of them aren’t shaking because they spent hours on the phone, trying to figure out what they wanted. Enjolras wants to see Grantaire happy, he says. He wants Grantaire to feel loved, to accept his love, to let him kiss him again.

Grantaire wants all those things too, just in less words.

They kiss, and they kiss, and they kiss, and then they don’t. They don’t because they’re laughing, quietly, shyly, their whispered laughter at themselves a release of all the fear. They’ll be alright. Grantaire is 24 and this is the first night he’s spent with someone close to him as they sleep through till morning.

 

Grantaire is 25, and things are better again. His best friend is his boyfriend, his daily companion, and this time when Enjolras kisses him, it’s short and sweet, and the tender spot in Grantaire doesn’t react like a bruise poked. It’s become a familiar comfort. It’s hard to believe things have come so far. They don’t live together but they could. They don’t sleep together every night but they could. 

Enjolras is 24 and is doing his best to change the world. Grantaire is always at his heels, but that’s where he wants to be, and if he’s happy, so is Enjolras.

Enjolras is 24 and he still doesn’t know what to do with his hands when Grantaire gently kisses down his throat. Enjolras is 24 and he knows it’s okay- because the only man he’s ever loved is Grantaire- and Grantaire wouldn’t intentionally hurt him.

 

When Grantaire is 26 they kiss for a photo that makes the front page of a newspaper. The article is long winded and kind, written by someone who supports their efforts, and is happy to see them so in love and so together. Grantaire pretends not to cry over it his copy of the newspaper that Enjolras so lovingly framed and hung on the wall because he feels he’s crying for all the wrong reasons, and Enjolras just tells him he doesn’t really have to have a ‘right’ reason to cry. Jehan has said the same thing to Grantaire many times, and Grantaire turns his emotions into actions for once. He calls Jehan and tells him he loves him. He pulls Enjolras into his arms and kisses him again, slowly, softly, as they dance in the front room, bodies close but with no sense of urgency. Enjolras is 25, and he still feels empowered every time Grantaire tells him that it’s probably fate that has brought their stars together.

Grantaire is 26 and Enjolras is 25. They are in love, and sometimes they share moments that seem familiar already, some kind of ancient past together, some kind of connection, but it’s not one easily won. Enjolras is 25 and Grantaire is 26, and they know they’ll face more hardships, but at least they won’t face them alone. They’ll face them together, hand in hand, just like they know they should.


End file.
